When In Rome ... Or Not
Retired teacher still laughing in Latin
By Bill Whitaker
There’s a wise, old expression that says, “When in
Rome, do as the Romans do,” but that’s never been good
enough for Rose Williams.
For much of her life, she’s done as the Romans do wherever
she is — whether it’s Spain, Italy, England or dusty
West Texas.
West Texans will find firm proof of that a week from this Thursday.
During Artwalk activities the evening of Nov. 11, Rose will not
only be autographing copies of her entertaining Which Way to the
Vomitorium: Vernacular Latin for All Occasions, she’ll also
be adorned in a toga at the downtown Abilene Book Store to seal
the deal.
But then, Rose is no stranger to togas (and, for the record,
she cuts quite a figure in one).
For more than three decades, beginning in 1960, Rose was Cooper
High School’s legendary Latin teacher, along the way also
serving as chairman of the foreign language department, senior
class sponsor and even as a sponsor for Cooper student trips to
Europe.
She also oversaw the annual Roman banquets, where she and students
dressed up in togas long before John Belushi made it cool in “Animal
House.”
“But we did that off school-time,” Rose stressed,
recalling her days at Cooper and, for a few years, Abilene High.
“But I always loved teaching Latin. For one thing, you often
got the top students and they were unusually serious about their
studies. And you had this entire culture to teach.
“So, yes, we’d run around in togas and throw Roman
banquets but we also explored this fascinating culture that still
touches us today.”
Which way where?
Indeed it does. If Latin is a dead language, it sure maintains
a lively presence in today’s publishing industry. Besides
Which Way to the Vomitorium, Rose is involved in several other
books involving Latin, many geared to budding Latin students.
One is a sort of Roman Profiles in Courage that expands upon lessons
Rose taught local students.
But the book most folks are likely to encounter is Which Way
to the Vomitorium, published by St. Martin’s Press. It’s
a flashy repackaging of the British version, Veni, Vedi, Vici:
Over 450 Laughable Latin Phrases, a comical guide “teaching
you everything you need to know if you want to properly pontificate
with the Pontiff or survive in the Old World neighborhoods of
Pompeii.”
Patterned after those crazy guidebooks offering a thousand
and one handy expressions when traveling abroad, Which Way to
the Vomitorium comes hitched to a hefty supply of humor. Lesley
O’Mara furnishes droll expressions tourists might use (such
as “Come up and see my frescoes”) while Rose offers
precise translations (“Veni et vedi picturas meas”).
For instance, Lesley furnishes expressions for visiting public
baths such as “Warm up some asses’ milk to clean my
face, will you?” or “Are your scabs better yet?”
or “That hot air up your toga feels good, doesn’t it?”
Rose, keeping a straight face, offers the same in Latin, such
as “O, specta musculos magnos pectoralis” (which means,
“Oh, look at his big pecs!”).
While the project might sound easy, it was anything but.
“The main problem was the typesetters could not spell
Latin,” she said. “There were little spelling problems
we had to keep track of through the entire process, because everyone
working on the book knew only one of the languages, except for
the proofreader and me. And the proofreader was this curmudgeonly
London professor who I don’t think really wanted to be involved.
“But he proofed it — and he also growled about it
on occasion,” she joked.
Global humor
Rose says she’s glad to do anything to popularize Latin,
even if it means coupling it to humor. She says her life was changed
immeasurably by knowing Latin, beginning when she was growing
up in Lamesa. For one thing, it taught her a lot about the English
language. For another, it introduced her to the wonders of ancient
history.
It also provided her with solid, lifelong job security. Not
long ago, the state of Texas formally called on its major universities
to supply a thousand new Latin teachers to shore up countless
openings at schools from El Paso to Texarkana. “The universities
turned out 89,” Rose said, “which is actually pretty
good, though it was only a patch on the problem.
“There are jobs teaching Latin all over the United States,”
she said. “You can get a job teaching Latin anywhere if you
have the credentials.”
And, no, despite the shortage of Latin teachers nationwide,
Rose has no interest in returning to the classroom.
“I’m at that point in my life where I’m concerned
more about what I can leave behind,” she said. “The
things I’m doing now are being bought around the world. I
mean, it’s not like I’m just having an impact in one
town — though I certainly take pride in that — but now
I’m having an impact on two cultures, England and America.”
And the world can always use a laugh — even if it’s
in a dead tongue.
Bill Whitaker, who learned all he knows about English from
his Latin teacher and whose weary colleagues believe it, can be
reached at 676-6732 or whitakerb@abinews.com.
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