Wednesday, December 31, 1997
Through a rear-view mirror
Bo knows prayer: When 17 feet of earth caved in on ditchdigger
Elvin "Bo" Seals in January, it bruised just about everything
but his sense of humor. Miraculously, the brim of his cowboy hat
cleared a tiny air hole that kept him alive. As firefighters dug
for four frantic hours to free him, Seals spent the time contemplating
God, overtime pay and how "PO'ed" his fiancee was going
to be.
"That was the hardest I've ever prayed since Vietnam,"
Seals said. "That was different though. Over there they were
blowing the dirt out from under me."
Sorry, but this time our Ouija Board said "No!":
The Texas Court of Criminal Appeals, which has ordered new trials
for obviously guilty criminals on the tiniest of technicalities,
refused to order one for Billy Stevens of Abilene, even though
the victim insisted he lied at the trial, and the judge found
Stevens had indeed been falsely imprisoned. The justices gave
no reason.
Was he dreaming of a Fright Christmas?: Ruben Ortiz,
who operated the Halloween-themed "Fright Zone" downtown
in October, simply remodeled his haunted house to create a "3-D
Holiday Maze" for Christmas. How so? Santa came down the
same chimney previously used as a crematorium. Nearby, a room
that at Halloween contained severed heads on shelves now was a
workshop for Santa's elves with presents on the same shelves.
No plans have been announced for Easter, but all bunnies should
be on alert.
Mike knows prayer: Assistant City Manager Mike Morrison,
explaining how the departure of Cummins Engine Co. triggered a
chain reaction that sparked 600 new jobs: "God is on our
side."
And what did you say your name was again?: During a
long, drawn-out press conference conducted by attorney Jim Norvell
about Billie Sol Estes' innocence of crimes he was convicted of
in 1963, young reporters not even thought of in 1963 tried desperately
to grasp the tangled web left behind by Texas' most notorious
wheeler-dealer. At one point, a young reporter walked up to Estes
and asked to shake his hand: "Your daughter used to clean
my teeth at the dentist's office," he told the famed con
man.
The train leaves at midnight: While Gov. George W. Bush
staged a successful campaign rally at Abilene's Grace Cultural
Center in December, organizers originally planned the rally at
the restored Texas & Pacific Railway Depot right across the
street. Only problem: While making out invitations, planners in
Austin accidentally got the address for The Depot, a rock 'n'
roll club in southwest Abilene. Bush staffers reportedly caught
the error just before invitations went out.
World's Oldest Profession meets Digital Age - and the Digital
Age wins: Two Abilene prostitutes were arrested after they
accidentally paged a narcotics officer while advertising their
availability.
Heavy on the attitude: Jodelle Wilder, owner of Jodelle's
Hair & Attitudes, griped loudly when City Hall proposed selling
downtown businesses $1 vouchers to void parking tickets for their
customers. Among her complaints were that employees of a neighboring
operation were hogging on-street spaces. Turns out Wilder was
the city's biggest parking scofflaw, racking up $3,220 in fines.
"It's a long story, and you're not especially the one
I'll take it up with," Wilder told a reporter when confronted
with the revelation. "I have a bad attitude about it."
Wilder eventually settled the debt for $2,500.
What's in a name?: Residents along a dusty strip of
Forest Hill Road were quick on the draw in shooting down a city
suggestion to rename the path "Dry Gulch Road." They
complained the name was "corny" and "sounded like
death."
Instead, each of the road's three residents wanted to name
the street after themselves. Abilene zoning commissioners compromised
and named the north-south stretch of the road "Old Forest
Hill Road."
And as for "Dry Gulch Road?"
"That ill-fated name is never to be mentioned again,"
Planning Director Carl Lockett ordered.
Those guys shouldn't drive unmarked cars: A car wash
attendant stole $5,000 from a sealed, bagged envelope in a customer's
car glove department. Too bad the victim was private investigator
Wayne Knowles, a former sheriff's deputy, who reported it to police
and did some investigating of his own, tracking down the thief's
roommate and ultimately the thief himself. "He just stole
from the wrong guy," Knowles said. "He's not real smart."
Farther My God From Thee: ARN entertainment guru Greg
Jaklewicz reported the Park Central Six theater ran a movie trailer
backward through the projector. The preview was for "Titanic"
(or "cinatiT") and showed passengers leaping out of
the frigid Atlantic as the luxury liner rose from its watery grave
and steamed merrily back to England. It followed a preview of
Agent 700's new adventure, "Dies Never Tomorrow."
He was on hold for technical support: Congressional
candidate Rudy Izzard was six months late in filing two campaign
finance reports with the Federal Election Commission. He blamed
computer problems.
The love of money is the root of all bad ideas: With
a tough re-election race looming and after all the bad publicity
about Democratic and Republican campaign finance abuses, U.S.
Rep. Charles Stenholm won press coverage for schmoozing with corporate
and lobbyist types at a fund-raiser held at a Arizona golf resort
dubbed "Desert Romance."
An honest politician: City Council candidate Charles
Goswick, explaining a 1983 conviction for attempting to murder
two people: "I used to drink like a fish. To tell you the
truth, I don't even remember the incident."
Of his odds for victory, Goswick added, "To be honest,
I probably don't stand much of a chance." He won 4 percent
of the vote.
It's better than plummeting in the polls: Proclaiming
"the eagle has landed," Gov. George W. Bush arrived
in Abilene a few hours after his 72-year-old father, the former
president, parachuted in an Arizona desert.
"I really don't know what got into that boy," the
guv said. "But as my twin daughters say, 'That's pretty cool.'
"
ReBuff: Political gadfly Buff Hackney, who for the first
time in 10 years didn't run for the Abilene City Council: "I
can be more apathetic than the rest of these idiots."
Oink: City Council hopeful Bobbie Hotchkiss assaulted
City Hall pork by distributing pig-shaped jar openers during her
campaign. Printed on the rubber gimme items was a poem that in
part read, "This little piggy was shown/So much waste at
City Hall/My mind was really blown!"
"It's one of the neatest campaign pieces I've ever seen,"
gushed Councilman Don Drennan, her opponent. "I disagree
with the wording, but the idea is top-drawer."
Minimum wage: Rob Beckham after accepting his $1 paycheck
for his first year's service on the City Council: "It makes
you appreciate the value of a dollar."
Hint, hint: City Manager Lanny Lambert unexpectedly
resigned after 2-1/2 years in May. Speaking on his dissatisfaction
with the job, Lambert mentioned to the City Council he was considering
resigning. The council encouraged him to explore those feelings.
Send in the clowns: Kenneth Musgrave's exit from the
library lottery was hardly graceful.
After the revelation his attorney bought an interest in a competing
library site, sentiment for his NationsBank Tower waned. In a
last-ditch effort, he offered to give the city a $500,000 check
and the first three levels of his tower but demanded the Citizens
Library Review Panel decide without debate.
Panel members rejected the proposal, questioning the developer's
sincerity.
Musgrave, who had brought his 84-year-old mother because she
had "never seen a circus," then ripped the Reporter-News,
the panel and city leaders for plotting against him. He assured
the group that the story would be written into a book and movie.
He then read a poem he claimed he wrote about the experience
and, with his mother in tow, bid the group, "Adios."
"I think Mrs. Musgrave saw her circus," panel member
Terry Arrington quipped.
Term limits: While campaigning for a new library, library
panel chairman Ed Patton noted how times have changed since 1959
when Abilene last built a library. For instance, he reported that
38 years ago "Bonanza" was television's top show, a
postage stamp cost 4 pennies, and Gary McCaleb was serving his
first term as mayor.
"Wait, that's a typo," Patton told his chuckling
audience. "He was in his second term."
Yuck: Tony Neitzler, the city's assistant director of
community services, on the 38-year-old Abilene Public Library:
"It looks more like a machine shop than a library. ... It's
unappealing. I go over to Hastings myself sometimes to avoid it."
From the mouths of codgers: "Maybe they have better
ideas than some of us old codgers," Councilman Don Drennan,
voicing his support for a city charter amendment that would have
allowed 18-year-olds to run for the City Council. But the codgers
had the last say. The measure failed miserably.
In contempt for trying to be funny: During a criminal
trial, one witness worked hard to play coy during cross-examination:
Attorney: "You've been arrested several times, haven't
you?"
Witness: "Oh yeah."
Attorney: "And you have a problem with alcohol, don't
you?"
Witness: "No sir. I drink it just fine."
Males as Dumb Animals Part I: David Franklin Dawson,
on trial for raping his wife, claimed he didn't know it was a
crime to force his spouse to have sex against her will. "That's
part of a marriage isn't it?" he asked on the witness stand.
Jurors sentenced him to life in prison.
To all the fans I bilked before The state attorney general's
office finally filed suit against Louie Gravel, a Houston promoter,
for failing to repay more than $7,000 in refunds for a canceled
Julio Iglesias concert in Abilene in 1995.
Males as Dumb Animals Part II: Billy Glyn Brown, on
trial for raping a woman, offered as a defense that his bloodied
victim actually consented because she suggested oral sex. The
woman testified she only "suggested" it as a ploy to
help her successfully escape after Brown had beaten her senseless
for nearly 90 minutes. Jurors sentenced him to life in prison.
Good questions Teen gang member Kevin Aaron Deluna was
at a loss for words when he pleaded guilty to deadly conduct and
assaulting a police officer. District Judge John Weeks sternly
asked, "Why do you go around shooting at people? What kind
of person are you?" After a pause Deluna mumbled, "I
dunno."
Be careful what you wish for ... Condemned murderer
Andrew Cantu of Abilene, who has quarreled with and fired many
an attorney, went to court to get rid of his latest court-appointed
counsel, insisting he wanted a lawyer but not one from Abilene.
After hearing all this, the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals, in
a rare move, ruled Cantu should defend himself.
They know how to throw a party in Dublin: Dublin City
Manager Tom Winder was arrested and jailed during a retirement
party for the city secretary after the honoree's husband, a Dublin
police officer, spotted an unopened bottle of Rebel Yell whiskey
on his desk. Winder claimed the whiskey was a family momento but
was led out of the reception in handcuffs.
Will edit for food: Former Reporter-News editor Glenn
Dromgoole ended a 31-year career in journalism in November, sparking
an identity crisis: "Who am I? Well, I'm unemployed."
You can lie during your marriage vows but not during your
divorce: Abilene businessman Michael Hutcheson was found guilty
of perjury for lying during a divorce deposition about the existence
of two substantial bank accounts.
I believe I'll vote for the other guy.: Veterinarian
Dale Hembree was "honored" in a Midland Reporter-Telegram
story about a retiring Midland Independent School District team
physician. In his 30-plus years on the sidelines, the doc called
Hembree's dislocated hip the worst injury he had seen. Hembree
remembers it well, getting caught between his own teammate and
San Angelo Central star and now West Texas congressman candidate
Rudy Izzard while making a tackle.
Compiled by Richard Horn, Anthony Wilson, Bill Whitaker
and Greg Jaklewicz
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